Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Check out this wrestling parody poster I wrote for Cracked Magazine many years ago.  This is the first of many of my articles I'll post here ...

Copyright, Cracked Magazine

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Kinda Frustrated

Well gang ... don't know what to tellya.

Been taking meetings (yeah, I know that sounds "Hollywood" ... but sometimes ya gotta use the lingo) for the past couple of weeks and bustin' my butt trying to make things happen, but everything kinda seems in limbo right now.

I'm the kind of guy that needs some sort of perpetual forward motion, but it seems like I'm trapped in a world filled with people that just let things lay there.

I'm well aware of the fact that people have other things and projects in their lives that need attention and I totally understand that.    My problem is that I don't like being told that something is going to happen .... only to have to wait months and months until ANYTHING actually happens.

I'm sure that all of you have people in your lives that say they're gonna do things and then that topic just lingers and fades away with absolutely no progress.

One of the continuing themes in my life right now is that a lot of people want to work with me ... and nobody is ponying up the dough to pay me for my time.

I think the entertainment biz is the only place I know where you're expected to work like a maniac with only the hope of getting paid for your efforts.  Then they change everything you did and expect you to smile and thank them for the opportunity.

"Sure Steve, we'd love to have you write that screenplay.  Tellya what, why don't you give us 90 pages in three days and we'll pass it around, change it, add an exploding dwarf, a tapdancing albino, and a dyslexic pig ... and then never pay you for any work you've done."

Now, I've got a lot of amazing things coming up that will be very exciting, but I have no idea where it will lead.

I have at least three of my plays being staged in Long Island and Manhattan and they should be damn fun.  I also have a couple of short films in post-production, but those are lingering because of fund lackage (hey look .. I made up a word!).

Nobody really gets paid when a play is produced, since it takes a lot of people to do and everybody usually justs breaks even monetarily .... but whatever.   Sometimes art is art.

It's a shame that you can't use "art" as legal tender to pay your bills with.

So for now, I'll just keep perpetually moving, keep my head down, and barrel through some of the bullshit I've had to deal with in the past few months.

My goal  is to find some sort of solution to all of this chaos.

I'll just go take a meeting about it.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Obese Kids Run the Risk of Broken Bones, Smelly Armpits and Wedgies

Another satirical article from the Bongo News.

Click the link below to give it a read (and keep in mind that I was once a really fat kid) ....


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Bongo News - my news satire article

Just came across some comedy articles I wrote a while ago and thought I'd post a few up here every so often.

Check it out ... 
Atheist Claims “In God We Trust” Just Isn’t Kosher

Here's another ...

People Are Just Living Too Damn Long

Monday, April 11, 2011

Mondays Just Effen Suck

Can't we just skip to Tuesday?

But then Monday will be Tuesday?

No.  This is a hypothetical world that I'm talking about.   Mondays don't exist and we just move on to Tuesday and people actually get things done instead of waiting for Monday Night RAW to come on.


The upward struggle continues as I await for people to get back to me from emails that I sent their way.

I just love that in this mega-info world we have, some people still don't feel the need to actually take 12 seconds out of their lives to send an response email.

So I wait.

Got a lot of projects on the horizon and I'd like to get them going RIGHT NOW!

Seems that I'm always waiting on other people to get things moving ....  but then I remember that they got lives also and are probably swamped with loads of other Monday stuff that they are doing as well.

Anyway .... here's the update ....

- Got a meeting with these guys on Friday about some new show I'm pitching.

Happy Saturdays
- A playhouse is reading this now and I have to decide if I can produce this and make it worth everybody's while.   I'm thinking that a combined stage production and web video premiere might be the trick.

Journey to the Strip Mall
- This is a feature length screenplay I have that has won all sorts of awards.  It's being read by an agency now ... and I'm in a holding pattern until they get back to me.

Go to http://www.journeytothestripmall.com/ to see the website

SAM Demon Hunter
- I wrote this ebook a while ago and it is still available on Kindle.   I just found out that the Kindle app is now available on the Android platform, so download that sucker and buy this ebook.  It's only 99 cents and it kicks ass.

You can pick it up here ..  SAM Demon Hunter

Or just download the Kindle app for your mobile and download it from there.

So that's about it for now.

I'm gonna go buy a burrito and pray that time moves quicker so I can get to Tuesday.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Coming back from the eGarage

So I picked my big Ay-Talian self up and traveled the rails of the LIRR to the magical studios of eGarage.tv to see what industry insiders call An Upfront.

Here's the wiki on that ...

In the North American television industry, an upfront is a meeting hosted at the start of important advertising sales periods by television network executives, attended by the press and major advertisers. It is so named because of its main purpose, to allow marketers to buy commercial airtime "up front", or several months before the television season begins.

Bascially, people are invited to check out the latest shows that network has to offer, then everybody does the shmooze to find out how they can all work together.

This was more of a Gala put together by a group of really talented people that want to do something extraordinary.

My goal in all of this was to see how I'd fit in.

I have one show in the works for these guys and lots of other shows I'd like to pitch.

However, one of the main hurdles is getting a studio audience into this studio located in Long Island City.

I know that I can produce television like a mofo, but getting an audience is a whole different animal.

I just want to produce quality shows.

So I did the shmooze, met some really great people, and then headed out of the door to begin my trek back to my house (two trains and lots of walking at night in Queens).

Upon exiting, I ran into one of my former play producers and he offered to read Happy Saturdays, one of my favorite plays in the world.

Here I am doing a Q&A about the play and some footage from the show ...

Will this play be produced ... again ... in it's current full-length version?

Well, I'd have to produce it, but we'll see.   He has to read it again and well ... we'll see.

I also think that this would be a kick-ass show for eGarage, so .... we'll see.

Stay tuned.


Friday, April 8, 2011

Heading off to the eGarage.tv gala

So I'm heading into the magical land of Queens (Long Island City to be precise) to be a part of a 4-hour gala for a new online television network called eGarage.tv.

As it stands right now, I've struck a deal with these guys to produce a pilot for my new show called ONE-ACT.

It's a show that'll feature all of my one-act plays.

Wanna see a quick one?   Check out "AGREED!" 

Now, I'm not really sure what to expect from tonight, since it's actually going to be televised on the web.

Will I get on camera?  Who the hell knows?

If you wanna check it out, go here at 7pm and stick around for 4 hours ....

I took a tour of this place recently, being all brave and driving to Long Island City, cuz I'm a really big fan of The Road Warrior and I wanted to experience some car smashing action!

From what I can tell about tonight, it's gonna be a massive shmoozefest, so I'll be playing The Dealmaker all night.

However, this time, I'll be LIRR'ing it and doing the "Train Transfer Mambo."

Let's hope the Long Island Rail Road is actually on time for once.

It almost makes me wanna take a cue from my girlfriend Helena's li'l nephew Vinny and take Thomas the Tank Engine instead of the LIRR.

So stay tuned.

More info to come on this wacky adventure.